Hi,
do u know the problem wid life???
its unpredictable..
u dream of something for someday.... n den it all goes up in flames...a bright beautiful day...ur all smiles...n den the dark clouds come your way and u av no idea what to do nemore...
do u understand death and all the things it holds...death is not in just once sense..it has so many meanings that i realize it now dat death is not just one thing...when it comes to death u think of somebody leaving and never coming back...but ill tell u death has more to it dan just this...death is an end that will never have another begining...death has no hopes attached...as long as there's hope there is life...there is a meaning a thought and an attachment...as soon as there's death...its an end...i once had an opportunity to understand death and speak about it in front of a public...and i sat and thought for like 2 min and all i could come up with was a huge blank...u understand what a blank is??...a dead end a full stop with nothing in front of it..nothing to it.. nothing ahead...just darkness and no light...death is that part...death can be death of a relationship, death of a friendship, death of a feeling, death of an emotion...death has so many forms that i dun think most ppl have recognized..
death is beautiful and horrid at the very same time...and when u feel this come to you..this feeling of nothingness...dats death...ppl who wish for death dun wish to die...ofcourse not...they wish for the feeling of nothingness that comes with death..they want the peace that comes wid death...u might say u r killing urself cuz nobody understands u or somebody hurt u or u hurt somebody or u lost somebody...but no u kill urself hoping to get out of the cadge...but u just dun realise dat hope n death dun go together...u just dun get it dat hope is dere only when u live...if death comes den  theres nothing left to hope for...if u live then there is hope of sthing getting better...something improving...life becoming beautiful...but if death is ur way den know that theres nothing ahead waiting for u..no heavens doors no hells gates...just darkness and nothing ness...cuz all the ppl who say they understand death and know what dey are talking about are liars...there is no one in the world who lives and knows what its like to die...and no body in this world who knows what it is to die and can tell us the tale...ppl who pretend are lying they dreamt that they went to heavens gate and dat they were recieved by anybody...as long as ur brain is working and you can dream then you do not know what it is to die...all the spirits that roam around us...even they do not know what it is to die cuz they are still stuck in our world...they av no idea what is beyond...and those who av gone beyond cannot tell us their stories we very well know that...we are fooling ourselves if we associate death with hope....we r the biggest fools if we do such a thing...its just a miserable attempt..an attempt of the fpolish...death is the end...and no god is not playing games wid us by not telling us about death.. cuz he hasent even told us about life...den y shd he explain death...
even i do not know what his wishes are...at times we leave all to him and at times we try to do everything ourselves...y?...a frnd wisely said k humne jo kiya hai humara jo past hai hum use soch k ro nahi sakte...and i understood it..cuz even if it is my past..its me who made it my past na...i made those decisions..i chose to make that my past..everything..every bloody little thing was my decision..i chose to do things that way..that is y i am here...past we cannot change all we can make is our own future and our present...make a choice today..live in today...frget the past...jo kiya us samy khud ki khushi se kiya na...kisi aur k bolne pe b kiya toh it wsa ur decision to listen to dat person na..in the end jo kiya aap ne kiya na..and aaj b jo karoge aap hi karoge na...its ur decision dear..always was always will b..it was ur decision yaar always...kisi ki baat aap sunoge ya nahi...kuch b karoge ya nahi..sab aapka hi decision tha na..and abhi bhi hai aapka hi hai...so if ur past is bad its ur fault god didnt make it dat way...n if ur future will b bad..its ur fault god didnt do nething to it...you are your own god..what u do is yours.. what you dun control eg weather storms tasunamis are his work...dats not under your controll..but ur actions are your own..god ne tumhare haath nahi pakde hue hain k nahi tum yeah hi karoge..woh tumhara khud ka kaam hai...so live wid it...everything is ur own fucking fault..if ur here its cuz u made urself b here...its all ur fault..remember that...and if it isnt den its not ur life...
yaar u control only ur life nobody elses...just live ur life...make others smile even if it is for microseconds...but what ever u do is ur choice...choose wisely and do the right thing...an inner voice always tries to tell u wt to do...but in d end its always ur choice...choose wisely...
happy day
gud bye
Ridhi

13 june 2011

:created on: 6th may 2011

First day im writing on a good day…

M actually happy today and I wanna see what I can write on a happy day..

Well for starters all I feel like is smiling and laughing…but haan mere class mein kuch gande log hain jo k clan hi khele ja re hain n main ni khel paa ri wid them..:(…for those who are unaware what a clan is its counterstrike game mein when you play as a team n all..so the server is made for a certain number of ppl only and nobody else can join it so im always late..lolzz

Lolzz but no worries…hmmm…it’s a beautiful day..how did it start..

U kno what basketball has th eeffect on me that harry potter has…just cant stop smiling and same with volley…debiya sir is like the most surcastic guy iv met n still I enjoy his comments on my game yesterday I was called a lazy basketball player…:(…lolzzz lazy and den basketball player..sahi hai na…lolzz..

Den basky me meiri kaafi shoots ja rahi thi actually they are boys who are playing n all na toh
kaafi bach k khelna padta hai…aaj jaldi khatam karna padega game cuz mujhe bhook bahut lagti
hai…lolzz…specially after a game of basky….

Mujhe kal hi samjah aya k volley k baad ni lagti bhoonk its after basky..yaar itni gandi..my stomach was rumbling..lolzz..

Lifes finaal good I mean haan u know it was horrible before all the pain and ignoring and everything its just dat if I dun c those ppl everyday na den ill b fine…and d games get my mind off things…my days get filled and khatam ho jate hai jaldi jaldi toh its good…some part of me doesn’t want this time to end and some wants it to be over really soon…well

As of today the 6th of may

Ill say I wish my time here never ends…:*

Yes I feel like huggin n kissin everyone..lolzz

I feel good dats all…

I like being complimented on a good game

I just want a rubic cube here so dat I can solve it and yaar dat guy he solverd the full thing and in pretty less time I mean quite good…first time iv seen sum1 do it..bholu bhiaya I think is getting old and he has a lotta things to do true…zyada show off marte hai yaar who…koi ni chaddo..hmm I think ill be goin home alone..wow my first trip alone..niceo…vaise its not hard I mean connectivity is pretty good thru these places and bus mein saman aa jayega itne bags ni honge zyada saman ni hai yaar mere pe…train se ja ni rahi hun toh ill b able to carry the stuff quite easily…3 bags n no lappy bag…

Pata ni kya likhe ja rahi hun…lolzz

Yaar today is a good day…

Love today..:***

LOVE YOU GOD

Ridhi

13 june 2011

Hi,

Yeah yeah again little missy is writing on a bad day…well u know I really cant help it..its the only
time when I can really concentrate and do a good job wirting, all my neurons are like burned out or
something so all I can concentrate right now is this na..maybe that’s y m able to wirte this well when
sad…

Hmm so lemme tell u why im sad..well actually todays day was full of a few emotions, there
was “wonder” cuz today I awoke to the sounds of pitter patter of the rain on my window pane, it was
so beautiful that I got right outta bed and went and opened up the window just to watch it rain on
the beautiful plants outside my window..yeah I av a wonderful garden just outside my window…its
beautiful and all u can remember of today morning was the beautiful green ness…made my morning...

Then there was the emotion of ultimate happiness…u know extremes of happiness cuz I know I had
made someone feel important today..really improtant..i just wanted that person to know before I
couldn’t tell him nemore that he was so so so important to me… hes been a part of my life for ever..
since I could know him I have known him..and that’s my grandfather.. I wrote him a letter, my first ever
letter I wrote it to him..telling him about everythin and how much he meant to me..and how much I
really adore him...

Then there was this strange feeling I cant put my finger on…that was caused cuz of my sister cuz she had
to read the letter to baba, so she was feeling really strange about it n all…toh dat was dat..

The other of my emotions I dun think they are that omportant cuz though they shaped a huge part of
my day..i don’t feel good about relating them. Ill tell u why I don’t feel good about relating them.. its
beacause they are the bad emotions..the ones that hurt and scratch and burn u from the inside…so I
know its best if you take everythin out n all but truly speaking you cant take such feelings out , atleast I
cant unless its at that particular person themselves..so I guess that’s how I bottle up my feelings…:)..

Hmm this particular post is quite boring, I know that cuz I dun av a story to tell or a plot to narrate…
I just wanted to sit in my lab till 8 in the evening so I am doin this to pass my time and its actually
helping..:)

I av spent almost half an hour here writing this story..now m gonna go to my room and sleep..yes im
hungry but m too angry to eat…its good ill save some money…

Luv n luck.

Ridhi

29 april 2011

Hello world…


I have this funny knot in my stomach…and it hurts

I feel like screaming when im crying and iv never done that before…well truth be told iv never got a place that lonely that I could even hum out loud without ppl hearing me…

Still I feel like screaming and shouting..making myself heard to everyone..i want a loud speaker and on that too i wanna shout..
i want music blaring in my ears and i wanna scream like torture..

I need a really good sad movie to get this outta my system…n I wanna cry really cry shed tears liks someone has passed away…I wanna break free of this misery…my cup is getting fuller by the second and heavier and I just want to go to the wash basin and pour everything into the sink…I want to wash that slimy cup, scrape every bit of algea away…make it beautiful and shiny..and then I want to fill it with rubies and diamonds…I feel so full of emotions I feel so closed…I feel like shouting at someone just wanna burst a million balloons…hurt hurt hurt…scream cry jump…

I want to burn n I hate my vocabulary that is so bloody limited..i cant express what i want to do..break this keyboard for starters...

One thing is definitely for sure…its never just one persons fault…its never the others fault…you are involved in the crime some way or another..its hard to see yourself as the guilty one but yes you have to have had made a mistake…bad things don’t happen to good people..or maybe they do…its just how you consider yourself..you try to find good stuff in everything then even the worst of things will be amazing in your eyes..but sometimes even the best can seem worst when you give up something for the good of another..when you let go knowing that makes the other happy...though you know how much it crushes you that they dun care even the slightest..

Its all about perspective and the kind of feelings you wanna feel…its upto you to make yourself feel good or bad in a situation…if ur so bloody closed in mind k you just cant see around the problem how do you ever think you can get over anything??

Everything has a way of being taken..

You must learn form you mistakes….

Well truth be told you have to learn to 'identify' your mistakes and understand y it’s a mistake for the other person…y your neighbour thinks thats a mistake…I mean if you went and did somethin then its but obvious its not a fault or something wrong that you think you are doing na… but you gotta be in anothers shoes to know y it’s a mistake…you gotta think from each perspective
shit…my head is so full…

Too much to think about but nothing I can ever put on pen and paper cuz they r really controvercial..

Too many conflicts too many ppl can get hurt by what i have to say or by what I have unknowingly done…

I believe everyone has a right to have secrets everyone needs to keep secrets…you cant go on with life without them…u are already judging yourself you cant bear another mind judging you..u cant hear their thought right so dats another trouble for you …you can never know what they think you are doing wrong…and that’s another confusion for you(even I dun know wt im thinkin)…

Yaar its difficult for me atleast to mould myself into what others want…n I cant do it 24X7..its hard..i dun know what ppl want n its so hard to be perfect….pata ni kya..yaar we are supposed to be superior cuz we can think and understand and feel..but its these bloody feelings that make our lives so miserable..y do we feel so much..y cant i just be blinded and numbed....just for a little while i dun wanna feel anything...a blockage...just want one feeling inside me...calmness...
life is so bloody fast that there is no time o just sit and relax...actually there is time but no place to do it...you cant just sit and relax anywhere...always worried about something...you cant just sit and meditate..always something is going through your head...
if i get a wish today i wish for peace and quiet...calmness...some peace...so that i can sit and think only for myself and not be worried dat someone is watchin me or that i am so bloody alone....some small amount of peace..
i wanna feel calm..

Neways where was I ….im sorry I have lost my train of thoughts…

So sorry for this abrupt end but I dun av a habbit of reading back on what iv written…n right now iv lost everything..

Until later

Love n luck

Ridhi

...still im worried no peace..no calm... WHY?