Hello world…
I have this funny knot in my stomach…and it hurts
I feel like screaming when im crying and iv never done that before…well truth be told iv never got a place that lonely that I could even hum out loud without ppl hearing me…
Still I feel like screaming and shouting..making myself heard to everyone..i want a loud speaker and on that too i wanna shout..
i want music blaring in my ears and i wanna scream like torture..
I need a really good sad movie to get this outta my system…n I wanna cry really cry shed tears liks someone has passed away…I wanna break free of this misery…my cup is getting fuller by the second and heavier and I just want to go to the wash basin and pour everything into the sink…I want to wash that slimy cup, scrape every bit of algea away…make it beautiful and shiny..and then I want to fill it with rubies and diamonds…I feel so full of emotions I feel so closed…I feel like shouting at someone just wanna burst a million balloons…hurt hurt hurt…scream cry jump…
I want to burn n I hate my vocabulary that is so bloody limited..i cant express what i want to do..break this keyboard for starters...
One thing is definitely for sure…its never just one persons fault…its never the others fault…you are involved in the crime some way or another..its hard to see yourself as the guilty one but yes you have to have had made a mistake…bad things don’t happen to good people..or maybe they do…its just how you consider yourself..you try to find good stuff in everything then even the worst of things will be amazing in your eyes..but sometimes even the best can seem worst when you give up something for the good of another..when you let go knowing that makes the other happy...though you know how much it crushes you that they dun care even the slightest..
Its all about perspective and the kind of feelings you wanna feel…its upto you to make yourself feel good or bad in a situation…if ur so bloody closed in mind k you just cant see around the problem how do you ever think you can get over anything??
Everything has a way of being taken..
You must learn form you mistakes….
Well truth be told you have to learn to 'identify' your mistakes and understand y it’s a mistake for the other person…y your neighbour thinks thats a mistake…I mean if you went and did somethin then its but obvious its not a fault or something wrong that you think you are doing na… but you gotta be in anothers shoes to know y it’s a mistake…you gotta think from each perspective
shit…my head is so full…
Too much to think about but nothing I can ever put on pen and paper cuz they r really controvercial..
Too many conflicts too many ppl can get hurt by what i have to say or by what I have unknowingly done…
I believe everyone has a right to have secrets everyone needs to keep secrets…you cant go on with life without them…u are already judging yourself you cant bear another mind judging you..u cant hear their thought right so dats another trouble for you …you can never know what they think you are doing wrong…and that’s another confusion for you(even I dun know wt im thinkin)…
Yaar its difficult for me atleast to mould myself into what others want…n I cant do it 24X7..its hard..i dun know what ppl want n its so hard to be perfect….pata ni kya..yaar we are supposed to be superior cuz we can think and understand and feel..but its these bloody feelings that make our lives so miserable..y do we feel so much..y cant i just be blinded and numbed....just for a little while i dun wanna feel anything...a blockage...just want one feeling inside me...calmness...
life is so bloody fast that there is no time o just sit and relax...actually there is time but no place to do it...you cant just sit and relax anywhere...always worried about something...you cant just sit and meditate..always something is going through your head...
if i get a wish today i wish for peace and quiet...calmness...some peace...so that i can sit and think only for myself and not be worried dat someone is watchin me or that i am so bloody alone....some small amount of peace..
i wanna feel calm..
Neways where was I ….im sorry I have lost my train of thoughts…
So sorry for this abrupt end but I dun av a habbit of reading back on what iv written…n right now iv lost everything..
Until later
Love n luck
Ridhi
...still im worried no peace..no calm... WHY?
I have this funny knot in my stomach…and it hurts
I feel like screaming when im crying and iv never done that before…well truth be told iv never got a place that lonely that I could even hum out loud without ppl hearing me…
Still I feel like screaming and shouting..making myself heard to everyone..i want a loud speaker and on that too i wanna shout..
i want music blaring in my ears and i wanna scream like torture..
I need a really good sad movie to get this outta my system…n I wanna cry really cry shed tears liks someone has passed away…I wanna break free of this misery…my cup is getting fuller by the second and heavier and I just want to go to the wash basin and pour everything into the sink…I want to wash that slimy cup, scrape every bit of algea away…make it beautiful and shiny..and then I want to fill it with rubies and diamonds…I feel so full of emotions I feel so closed…I feel like shouting at someone just wanna burst a million balloons…hurt hurt hurt…scream cry jump…
I want to burn n I hate my vocabulary that is so bloody limited..i cant express what i want to do..break this keyboard for starters...
One thing is definitely for sure…its never just one persons fault…its never the others fault…you are involved in the crime some way or another..its hard to see yourself as the guilty one but yes you have to have had made a mistake…bad things don’t happen to good people..or maybe they do…its just how you consider yourself..you try to find good stuff in everything then even the worst of things will be amazing in your eyes..but sometimes even the best can seem worst when you give up something for the good of another..when you let go knowing that makes the other happy...though you know how much it crushes you that they dun care even the slightest..
Its all about perspective and the kind of feelings you wanna feel…its upto you to make yourself feel good or bad in a situation…if ur so bloody closed in mind k you just cant see around the problem how do you ever think you can get over anything??
Everything has a way of being taken..
You must learn form you mistakes….
Well truth be told you have to learn to 'identify' your mistakes and understand y it’s a mistake for the other person…y your neighbour thinks thats a mistake…I mean if you went and did somethin then its but obvious its not a fault or something wrong that you think you are doing na… but you gotta be in anothers shoes to know y it’s a mistake…you gotta think from each perspective
shit…my head is so full…
Too much to think about but nothing I can ever put on pen and paper cuz they r really controvercial..
Too many conflicts too many ppl can get hurt by what i have to say or by what I have unknowingly done…
I believe everyone has a right to have secrets everyone needs to keep secrets…you cant go on with life without them…u are already judging yourself you cant bear another mind judging you..u cant hear their thought right so dats another trouble for you …you can never know what they think you are doing wrong…and that’s another confusion for you(even I dun know wt im thinkin)…
Yaar its difficult for me atleast to mould myself into what others want…n I cant do it 24X7..its hard..i dun know what ppl want n its so hard to be perfect….pata ni kya..yaar we are supposed to be superior cuz we can think and understand and feel..but its these bloody feelings that make our lives so miserable..y do we feel so much..y cant i just be blinded and numbed....just for a little while i dun wanna feel anything...a blockage...just want one feeling inside me...calmness...
life is so bloody fast that there is no time o just sit and relax...actually there is time but no place to do it...you cant just sit and relax anywhere...always worried about something...you cant just sit and meditate..always something is going through your head...
if i get a wish today i wish for peace and quiet...calmness...some peace...so that i can sit and think only for myself and not be worried dat someone is watchin me or that i am so bloody alone....some small amount of peace..
i wanna feel calm..
Neways where was I ….im sorry I have lost my train of thoughts…
So sorry for this abrupt end but I dun av a habbit of reading back on what iv written…n right now iv lost everything..
Until later
Love n luck
Ridhi
...still im worried no peace..no calm... WHY?
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